As appeared in Elephant Journal | November 30, 2016
A few years ago I went through some “bumps” in the road” of life that included a divorce after a brief marriage.
I learned some good lessons along the way—some were chosen, while other lessons were not, yet I learned just the same. The best lesson coming out of the whole experience was that it is important to get the right people on your life’s bus.
On this bus there are seats for various types of people, roles and friendships that come along on our journey through life. While some of these passengers may change seats, and others leave the bus at various stops, there is one type of passenger that sits near and dear to me: the women.
We are strong.
To me, there is something powerful about a woman standing for, and alongside, another woman. These are the ones who come with experiences, or during critical moments in time, but often are the cause for a smirk or a curl of the lip into one of those kinds of smiles. The kind of impish smile where you have an inkling, “this may not be the best idea” and could land you on the wrong side of a jail cell.
But we’re in this life together and you can’t leave a fellow soldier behind.
Each of these relationships is incredibly unique, yet utterly universal at the same time. We recognize these women because they stand out in our lives for so many reasons.
Thank you for your strength and the supreme beings that you are.
We pick each other up.
In the thick of my divorce, I wound up in a favorite yoga class the same day I learned of the financial impact from splitting assets. Being told what my portion of two years of “to have and to hold” could cost after years of hard work was devastating.
Yoga teachers often say that certain positions or practices let out emotions. Until this moment, I had not experienced such a release before.
That night, I left more snot and tears on a yoga mat than one human can possibly produce over the course of an hour. My bubbling and blundering, and likely distracting yogi-self, was comforted by your support, your healing hands and open invitation to just be in that moment.
Your strong and gentle hands said, “It will get better.”
Thank you for picking me up.
We dust each other off.
Together, we share our problems of the day, week and month. Sometimes over adult beverages; sometimes over coffee.
The day of my divorce hearing I had a party. My girlfriends brought a cake with a stick finger person holding both middle fingers in the air. The cake was titled “GTFO” (Get the F*ck Out.)
Whether our problems are illnesses, stressors or the occasional man testing the outer limits of our sanity, we are together. We remind each other that we are enough, just as we are. We remind each other to keep our chin up. On occasion, we are there for nothing more than to hold each other’s hair while puking. We do this for many reasons, but mainly because nobody likes puke in their hair, regardless of the root cause.
Thank you for dusting me off.
We are the light at the end of the tunnel.
We shine the light for each other. As we open new businesses. As we experience miscarriages. As we get married. As we gain new experiences. As we lose jobs. As we get divorced.
All the while, saying silently or out loud: I am here for you, regardless of your success or failures.
Thank you for being both my after party, and more importantly, my safe place to fall.
Here’s to sh*t-free days.
We don’t get through this beautiful, simple, messy, complicated, difficult and raw life alone. There are she-warriors by our side, on our bus.
Some are biological; some are adopted. Some are here for a minute; some for a lifetime. Helping and working tirelessly to shovel sh*t out of each other’s way, rejoicing and letting the corks fly when said sh*t is out of our way, and together praising whoever the hell guides you to sh*t free days.
To you, I raise my shovel.
Thank you for getting on the bus.